A few months ago, I began a fast that started out as nothing more than a small challenge among me and some friends. But that all changed as one by one they dropped off. I, the "nymphomaniac" as they say, held on.
While things were, difficult at first. They were just fine. I did have some major moments of weakness and was so willing to throw in the towel I didn't. And I was quite proud.
I got so used to the idea of not having sex that it became a thought that rarely crossed my mind. But, I still have my cravings. This however, became more than just a test of wills.
This became, normal. Not having sex 4 or 5 times a week was no longer hard, being single helped that situation a great deal. It was easy, like second nature. It wasn't the only thing I was thinking about. And even though I am at this very moment going through one of my craving stages, I'm still okay.
I'm not really pressed at all just a little weak at times. But, there is this fear I have developed since I haven't been getting my bread buttered as meka says. Will my "skill" still remain the same. I kind of feel as if my body has forgotten how to move.
I'm sure it hasn't, but being dormant does raise a little feeling of fear. Maybe the girls are right, it's just like riding a bike. Once you climb back on top you'll know exactly what to do. Your body will be in control just like it used to be.
I'm hoping so, because when that time does come... oh boy. But, with me making all these changes to not back track will I be backpedaling into a part of the old me. I don't wanna be "addicted" again, not like I use to be. That's where I feel I went wrong in my relationships and, non-relationships.
I just, gotta be in control of it. (Like ya anger my friend says) lol.
I will admit though, my lips still quiver at the thought of deep kisses and strong hands gripping my hips... ooh lemme no dip into this other blog I'm working on.
(yeah i'm writing two at once)