Monday, June 14, 2010


I skipped my workout this morning, I just don't really feel like doing anything today, but I have to go to work so I will do that.

I'm a great deal calmer now than I was a few hours ago, but I'm still upset. I kinda feel like I got side-swiped. The entire argument came out of nowhere, well I know where it came from just...

I'm confused, I just don't get it. Should I feel wrong for doing what I did? Because I don't... the thing is though, there are actually quite a few people who are still upset with me for what I did months ago.

The same people who told me that eventually I was gonna have to care about myself. So, I went and took care of me. Should I have told people, maybe, but all I can see is people saying...

But why Courtney? Why do you have to shun yourself from the rest of the world. And in all actuality it had to be done that way so as to avoid influence I guess.

Because when I finally told people, they wanted for me to call and check in so as to load my mind down with their problems. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being there for people, but to do what I did I needed a clear head.

I've always put others before me, because, it's a great feeling to know someone actually cares, and so I try to be that for people in my life.

I'm scared of letting people care about me because they all up and do the same thing, leave, with no return and regard to how I feel. But of course, no one understands that... its all malarchy to them.

They feel I did the same thing, left them with no regard to their feelings, however, I had every intention of coming back into their lives and being the best friend that I could be. So as to give them, well one of them in particular, all of me.

All they are worried about though is how they felt when I left. Not knowing that, I was on the verge of a breakdown, that doesn't matter. I still should have said...

"Guys, I'm about to have a nervous breakdown, so I'm gonna go kick it by myself for a while, until I can get myself together."

^That makes sense.^

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