Snow Day

I was relieved that I would not be going into work Saturday morning, and that I had went and done some "snow grocery shopping" so that I wouldn't starve while I was trapped inside. Luckily for me the fam was in Danville so I have the entire house to myself.

Unfortunately, I have the whole house to myself. I have a fireplace, hot chocolate, marshmallows, my fav blanket and my dallas pillow, my movies, and my music. But damn... that's all I have. This whole single, independent woman thing is getting real old real quick. No wonder all the single people I know are miserble.

It's funny how when I was getting into trouble and acting like a bitch toward everyone I always had a man. But now that I'm on a path to doing and accomplishing great things I can't even find a nigga to respect that. Ugh I sound like a lonely old lady. The fact is... I am kinda lonely. I miss the affection and the emotional connection a relationship provides. Not to mention I miss the SEX!!!!! I'm so aggravated and sexually frustrated the people I work with are starting to notice, and that has never been a good thing.

Things are definitely about to change because frankly, I can't take this anymore...

Twitter Me Baby

Hahaha... I finally gave in to the Office Crew demands and made myself a twitter... and wow as wack as I thought it would be, it's kinda funny. It's like text the whole world at one time. That was one of the two highlights of my day. The other would have to be leslie playing with those chipmunks she got out of her kids meal from micky d's. That girl is special.

I am so tired. Since school started I've been going like 1,00 mph and the only chance I have of slowing down and regrouping is the possiblity of a snow day tomorrow. I have worked for the last eleven days straight. My 8-5 has become a 7-7, not to mention that I workout in the evening and then go home to devote time to my books. Whoo, I am so ready for CI's... I might be sleeping while the girl's party.

And if I here one more thing about valentine's day I'm gonna scream. All my sisters have boo's so I'll be spending this V-Day alone, great. Maybe I'll go to Jess' dinner thing she's havin'... but even then there will be people there with their "boo thangs." Maybe I'll just chill, either way this single thing is startin' to annoy me.

(praying for snow... a lot of snow)

Sitting Here Because...

I hate math... well I don't hate it but I just don't really like it. So why am I taking another math class? Because I am now a double major in English and Business and according to the admissions counselors I needed to take accounting and another upper level stat class (where did stat pt. 2 come from). Which, I understand yet, don't agree with why... because I hate math.

But this math class isn't so bad, everything we do is on the computer. And everything we need for this class with the exception of our calculators, is on the computer. So, I'm the type of student that likes to stay ahead. So I did all my homework, and even took my test already so that I wouldn't have to be in class right now. But here I am, in class at this very moment.

Why am I sitting here... because I'm in a class full of slackers! And instead of taking the profeessor up on his offer to have a walk this morning. They didn't do any homework and only one other girl took the test. AND SHE FAILED! So I am sitting here in class doing nothing because the professor has me helping half the class and he's helping th other.

I'm so overjoyed to be here... YAY (in my sarcastic voice.)

...

I haven't been on in a while and I have been missing something lately... I thought it was writing but now that I'm writing I'm realizing... this isn't what I've been missing. Maybe it's because I write in a book too.

Hmm I miss my friend but I wouldn't tell him that to his face because well... (she's a punk-said Jess) but I'm not I just don't wanna... but who cares, I'm cool with being a punk at times. I don't like to tell him how I'm really feeling because well... it kinda make things awkward so I just don't say anything anymore, but hey it's all good.

One of my sisters lost her lil cousin this week so the girls and I are taking flowers over there tonight. It's times like this when I'm really grateful that we have a bond like we do... because just like we're gonna be there for her tonight... we've all been there for each other. We've ad our dfferences and every friendship does but at the end of the day we good. I love those girls.

There's so much I have to do between now and 5 on Friday. I wish I had a day of vaca coming soon because the other sec and I have been forced into overtime every night this week. CI's can't get here soon enough!!!

Untitled

This weekend was pretty chill if I do say so myself. My Saturday morning was intense. Worked out, ran quite a few errands, met up with my sisters and took 'em to work with me. That was too funny. Then I went home and crashed! Working six days a week can break ya body down at times. I'm def in need of some TLC and a nice tall glass of red gatorade.

Church was really good this morning and I can't help but shine like the sun even though outside it looks like rain. But it's all good b/c rain for me equals, fireplace, notebook, and music. I worked out today too. Nothing heavy just rode the bike for a half hour.

Man, this fasting thing it isn't all that exciting. Im tryna hold out but my body is practically cursing at me. Hopefully me and Lena will make it through it lol.

The only thing throwing me off is that my phone is well... non existent at the moment which sucks because I have so much communicating that I wanna do. Oh well, I'll figure something out.

Back to the money in the a.m. (I'm tryna be grown)

So Far Friday

Okay... the day is halfway over and I gotta admit, I've been acting like a complete asshole. I woke up feeling fine. I was horny but thats beyond the point, I was in a good mood. And now people are coming into the office and calling and I'm just... on that I-don't-give-a-you-know-what-you=can-kiss-my-foot type a mood. But, all of that is about to change because, hell I'm tired of being rude. Especially since Jess just asked me to drive "pedialite" to his class and I didn't want to. I really don't like him. I mean, what grown man drinks pedialite? Hmm something has me tripping and I know what it is and I guess I should address the situation but damn... I don't want to seeing as how I always seem to be taken... not seriously. Oh well, the day isn't over yet but I'm sure lunch with my sister will change my whole daily outlook.

Definitely about to play something calming and mellow cuz... whoo child I'm just more irritated than a farmer with gophers in his garden.

Ugh!!!

Thursday sucked... it sucked bad. Of course there were good moments but all in all it just sucked. Just UGH!!!!!! I don't know why because I woke up in a good mood. But people and their effed up moods and b*llshit attitudes just wore me down.

Today sucked so bad that it's funny. I don't know just... whatever. I mean, I smiled all day but the people that came in and out of the office and some of the people I talked to today were just weird. It was like everyone was on asshole mode today.

I'm not complaining I'm just pissed because they killed my whole buzz. I wonder if it's the rain. Personally, I love the rain but it makes people act funny. It's like they have to act the way it looks outside. Hmmm oh well, it's a new day, Friday, and I'm feeling good... not to mention I woke up wanting it...

Wowie Cazowie!!!!

This morning was interesting considering that my night rolled over into the morning. I got no sleep, to much was going on. No drama, just life. I talked to each of my sisters last night for a good while and then I just kinda chilled. I was to tired to sleep, restlessness.

I had the weirdest encounter with an ex today and to be honest, I was quite disgusted, yet amused all in the same. Disguested because eewwww he has a girlfriend that I'm sure he kisses and... well yeah does all that to on the regular. Yet amused because he caught me off guard and it was just an ugly kiss. Funny, he kissed a lot better whne he was dating me. Lol okay...

Then Alaska commented on some pics I had taken and put on my page talking aobut some... baby I love you... SO WHAT? You only dated me for 2 months, you're 26... grow up man!!!! Lol... I'm trippin' according to the girls.

And to top off my day, the girls and I been in here trippin' off nonsense, we have issues (no we don't they say). But I say they do, we all do. Which is cool because if we can't be stupid around each other who can we be stupid with huh?

Day isn't quite over yet but the most important stuff (work and friends)never stops running my life. Hmmm one day I'll have it all... a good job, the same true friends I kept around, and a good man... but until then I'm good... smiling everyday and that's what it is.

The girls say "Hey people!!! Later people!!!"

So Far, Almost So Good

I decided before the end of 2009 that 2010 would be my year. And I knew the only way to make that happen would be to wash my hands of everything burdening me. So, I did and now... 2010 has begun and I am, almost where I want to be.

January is halfway over and so far, almost so good. I am doing much better than I anticipated and I'm smiling more than ever. School just started today but I've got a great feeling about my classes because I'm only taking a couple and they are not even that difficult, in fact I could pass them without even going to class.

I wish I would have challenged myself a bit more because when things are easy I become bored with them, maybe that's why I use to constantly make things that should be and are easy so difficult. But my psych professor does seem a little intense and she even jumped down my throat for taking her class even though I'm not a psych major but what can I say... I like psych so I'm in there. What Now Prof. Carson, huh? Yeah that's right, I go hard... yeah right lol.

My sisters are getting along again and that is a big deal for me because at one point they all hated each other. The tension is still there at times but, We're working on it. I don't have a "boo" as the girls so eloquently put it but I'm hopeful. One day at a time I'm doing better and better. Things aren't perfect and I don't expect them to be. But they are getting better... so far, almost so good.

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill on replay all day today... on chill mode.

Ready

After months of saying "I'm think I'm ready now" I'm finally ready. I am extremely excited about the "new me." Even though it's not really new to me, it'll be new to everyone else. I've been holding back for so long that it has broken me, and now after being broken, I am ready to put the pieces back together. Therefore I am ready.

So, no longer will I "... Hide Behind my Smile." I am ready to show the real me to people willing to accept the real me. Of course there are some things I won't say to the world for, it is those things I cherish and hold dear and will only share with someone who is willing to share the same.

So, with that being said over the next few days I plan on posting the what I wrote over the last few weeks... I'm know I'm ready, I just hope everyone else is. Then again who cares if your not... I am and that's all that matters.

Ummmm... seriously???

Relationships are complicated, I get that... long distance relationships are even more complicated at times, yet, they are still complicated. But and open-relationship... is out of the question...

So, I woke up this morning to the most interesting voicemail I think I've ever gotten. This guy, who I talked to for a while, but dated briefly called me last night (way past my bedtime according to my sister lol) and said that he missed me so much and that he loved me and that he had made a mistake. CONFUSED FACE???? Now, I didn't call back because well, I don't plan on backpeddling this year.

Why am I not backpeddling? Because this is the same guy that told me he wanted to be in an open-relationship because he felt I wasn't enough. And that while he was going to be gone (he's military. airforce, navy, something in a uniform) that he is gonna want to find someone to satisfy his "emotional and physical needs." That was a load of malarchy. Then he sent me an email and I just can't help but copy and paste this b.s.

baby for real i need you in my life. this is a new year and i promise to be a better man. what you want to do about us. if you want to make this work then WE got to try to make it work. love you

Seriously dude... I know you read this blog everyday because you always have something slick to say about it in my fb inbox so check it... I'm not stupid, if I wasn't enough for you then I'm probably not going to be enough for you now since I'm still here and you're now there. Hmmmm I guess that sucks for you then huh... damn

oh but we can still be friends lol

So Focused

I rang in the New Year the best way I knew how... with Jesus. Church was so good can't help but feel like this just may be my year. Pastor preached on What Will you Leave Behind in 2009. And it made me think. There are so many things that I need to drop from my life before they consume me. I made some major breakthroughs this year but I also had a couple setbacks. I know now that I have to own up to those mistakes, accept them for they cannot be changed and look forward to a better year.
I am so ready to take on the year's challnges, for I know the one's coming my way are going to help me to make it to where I need to be. I will let nothing stand in my way this year as I did last year. My plan is to hold nothing back, say everything, and smile even when I don't want to. So bring it on 2010, because i am so ready.