MJR

Due to the fact that I don't want to go to bed yet, and am not sleepy I just spent the last 2 hours in the pool room, not shooting pool. Just talking.

MJR, the guys I was cooling with, are actually pretty cool. R I kick it with in the pool room every now and then. I like him, he's a sweet guy that I'm hoping will get what he wants. He didn't talk much at first but he came around.

J, I actually just really learned him tonight. He's cool, I kinda sorta like him too, don't really know him that well but he seems chill. He says some funny stuff.

And M, he's not even a Quad resident but he's always here. Funny, I like him too. He's oddly funny. He's the guy in the movie that tries to be funny but isn't, so it's funny.

I like them all, pretty cool people, each one verbally expressed their that they wanted some p****. So nasty, but new friends regardless lol.

Anyway, MJR taught me a few things tonight. Like acronyms, things that make sense but make no sense at all.

For example, DTF girls. Now, I'm not too slow but I wasn't really sure what this meant. I guessed it right though, Down To F***. I know, it's funny isn't it. Or WTF, no not what the f*** but Worth The F***. I actually like that one.

They talked about sex, they were all horny little toads. Funny thing is, none of them wanted what they saw, the girls were too drunk for them or they didn't feel like going outside to approach them. Guys.

I even learned J's name, which I didn't know before tonight.

We shared some funny stories, laughed at people's slowness, and imitations of Kevin Hart, I need to see that movie.

I'm going to do a program on how woman should learn to not be so difficult now. My idea that R said I should really do. Hmmmm thinking, thinking.

What else... oh they wanted to smash drunk girls with low self-esteem. R even petted the air. That was too funny.

J tried to force R to take some keys that clearly didn't belong to him, hilarious, you had to be there.

Tonight was pretty chill, hilarious actually. Random funny stuff, just how I like my funny.

I learned some things about them that I will keep in mind when I see them. It's funny what you can gather about people when you all have a relaxed conversation and random laughter.

The guys were funny, made my night for real. Now off to bed, I got church in the morning, well in about 6 1/2 hours.

I do have some serious thoughts running through my mind, but I will definitely blog about them later. I got a funny buzz and I'm not tryna kill it.

Sleeping Alone

I hate sleeping alone.

I mean really, my bed would be so much more comfortable with someone in it with me. But that's not happening.

I'm not trying to go to bed right now because the simple thought of knowing I'll be sleeping alone bothers me.

It's funny though because I'm not in the mood to have sex I just want to fall asleep wrapped up. But it's been so long since I just laid in the bed with someone's arm wrapped around me that at this very moment, at 1:15 in the morning all I want is that.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Well, maybe I'll get the chance sooner rather than later because right now, I'm not feeling this single ish.

I'm going to bed before I spill my guts all over this blog. I'm not ready to share those yet.

#np- yo side of the bed

Puzzled Face

I have no clue where to start... how about from right before the beginning. This guy that I had an argument with once about Virginia not being the South but being the Mid-Atlantic approached me letting me know that he asked his professor about our argument and I was right.

My first educational argument with a grad student and I won. Personal kudos to me! Anyway, he asked me if I was romantically involved with anyone, and yes he used those words. Anyway it was a little weird because he is so not my type.

He's soft, not a very strong tone... not my type. Sorry darling but I'll argue with him anytime about history.

Anyways, this funny encounter led to one that well, left me puzzled. it started off chill but, you know me, always messing things up.

I had been waiting on this... forever. Something I been craving for. It made me smile. My mind was racing, like zoom ------->.

"He's stronger than I thought, I like it... floor is cold, glasses are in the way, just don't stop. Okay stop thinking, otherwise you'll stop for real. Uh-oh to late... here it goes, shutting down, wait no not yet.

Wow he is really a lot stronger than I thought. Focus Courtney focus, uh-oh Houston we have a problem."

And just like that I was... done I guess you can say. I don't know what it is but my drive to have sex isn't where it use to be. Why is this? I don't even know. I wanted to, so bad, I was going to make myself. But I couldn't.

Yesterday I made a promise to make sure things would be different. That is a promise I will most definitely keep.

I have to, otherwise I might not get another chance. Slowly losing. How can you be in love with someone but not willing to make love to someone?

It's possible because that's how I feel.

How I feel and what I want to feel are two different things. I'm pushing myself to be able to follow up my feelings with actual feelings, it's going to take some serious, contemplation but I can do it. I have to.

This is so difficult! Going on a road trip, think I'll use this time to think on some things. Especially him.

On the other hand, he said something to me yesterday that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

#np- If I have my way- C.Michelle

Random Thoughts and Emotions

I miss him, seriously... didn't think I'd miss him this much, but I do.

I can't stand how overly dramatic she is... it disgusts me every time.

The guy sitting next to me right now is kind of cute but I heard he's bad news so he just became extremely unattractive.

I miss my grandpa.

I made a new friend, he's mad cool.

I made a new female friend, she's a little boy crazy, but cool nonetheless.

I never really wanted to play sports at this school, I did it because sports has always been a part of me and I didn't know how to let it go.

People have been calling me Madame President all day, elections are tomorrow and I got a good feeling I'm taking it home lol.

The boy at the computer station across from me keeps making eye contact with me, he's cute but he's staring!!!! WEIRD!!!!

The loud rude ass people that just walked into the library lab are exactly why I'm making this next statement.

I hate rude college students. I would love to right hook them all and demand that they show respect to these professors and these faculty/staff members.

The bad boy next to me keeps staring at my screen... HE SHOULD STOP!!!! NOSY ASS!!!!

I have a presentation tomorrow I am so not ready for.

I miss some of the friends I had in high school, the ones that I was actually cool with the entire four years (there were only two like that).

I miss PT Thompson, even though we had major problems.

I miss my baby Shaivonne... she's in daycare now so I never see her like I use to.

Did I mention I miss my friend.

Gotta get my car fixed, or get a new one, so I can get up there and see him.

Okay... I'm about to call it a emotional dishing night. Later.

Burnt Out

I have been playing sports for as long as I can remember. Everyday for the last 21 years sports has been a part of my daily schedule. Always. Whether I was playing myself or traveling with my mom the coach, sports has always been a major aspect of my life.

But I'm tired, and if anyone ever really took notice in my "More Than a Ball Player" blog, they would see that this feeling really dates back to then. I've been feeling this way since then.

I just can't seem to force myself to feel that drive again. I'm trying but it is so hard. And I hate to say but I'm going to take a break. There are so many other things I want to do with my life but I can't focus on them if I'm always bummed about having to leave them and go to practice.

I'm burnt out, tired of waking up early for practice then staying up late to make time for my studies and the things I enjoy more.

So, my final decision is this: I will not play any official college level sports this year. I am taking my hat out of the race and focusing on letting my own light shine in on campus organizations.

This part of me that has been suppressed for so long so, so long sports, hello extracurricular activities.

My Feng Shui

I hadn't slept well in a while until last night. I don't what it was, there were so many made observations as to why I wasn't sleeping but nothing definite.

Bad television usually makes me fall asleep but lately it hadn't been bad at all. So, I've been awake, mostly on Facebook and doing homework. Some nights I would read just so I could pass the night by a bit faster.

But last night, a new friend of mine said that my feng shui was off. Show, I did a little feng shui-ing and talked to him for a little while longer. It was actually a funny conversation.

Anyways, after some feng shui-ing and a little more talking I decided to go to sleep, and guess what????? I SLEPT GREAT!!! ALL NIGHT!!!! In fact, I almost overslept, which I haven't done since freshmen year.

So #shoutout to my homie Cory for the feng shui-ing idea!!!

4:04

Yes, it is really 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't know why... nothing is really troubling my spirit. I'm just... not sleeping.

Something must be bothering me of course but what exactly?

My friend Dana is giving me remedies to help put me to sleep, but i think I'm just going to go in-lining for a bit. Skating generally knocks me out.

My roommate says its because I'm sleeping alone. And as retarded as she is, she could be right. I miss having a man in my bed.

Even if just for a few hours.

I hate this feeling. I;m not going to be on my P's and Q's tomorrow unless I get a good nap in.

Good nap=3 hours.

Church starts at 10 and I'm supposed to be getting picked up at 9:40. How many hours is that from now, like 5.

Enough time for me to sleep, shower, iron, dress, do hair... no breakfast. Won't have time for it.

Maybe I'll eat an early lunch, nope got things to do... hopefully I'll make it to Foster for dinner because that will the only meal I'll have today.

Hmmm... takeovers can be tiring, yet make you restless.

Alright I'm going to bed, once this song goes off (Make you feel that way-Blackalicious).

Well, after I replay it. Good night!

Kanye West - POWER

So, I was reading a Likes and Dislikes blog and one of the dislikes was Kanye's eyes in the Power video, which I had never seen before. So, I youtubed it and this video ^ came up.

Now, everyone talks about the ROC Nation being a part of the illuminati. Ummmm yeah I'm just a little concerned with kanye's sanity now... but I'll still listen to the music.

I feel like in this video clip Kanye himself is portraying some sort of god, like back in the 14th and 15th centuries when people believed in gods and goddesses. Could this be Kanye's world? Hell on Earth for him.

I wonder where the long hallway behind him leads to? Why his guards are two young women dressed as angels with devil horns?

Why two women are pouring water over themselves, cleansing their souls maybe? What is the purpose of all these contradicting symbols?

And oh yeah... why is it that Kayne apparently is coming to his demise as at 1:27 in the video the man and woman are going to stab him with their swords.

Stop the video @ 1:27 though, it would make for a pretty cool picture for someone to sketch out. (Maybe I'll do it)




But my biggest question is to one of my fellow blogger's... How do you feel about this symbolism?

This Semester

This semester, despite my recent "revelation" I am really planning a massive takeover. Something so huge that the only person on the whole campus that can stop me, if possible, would be the president.

First things first, I'm running for SGA Chief of staff in the Spring. I am entering the Mr. and Miss Quad pageant. Don't have a mister for that but I could run a country by myself.

Oh yeah, I'm planning another fashion show, it'll be at Bland again but it's going to be bigger than the first. I want to really make a difference with the money we raise.

I'm having this basketball bash of a tournament in March. It's gonna be HUGE!!!!!

I might run for Miss VSU, don't really know yet. Might just settle and run for Miss Senior.

I know, all this girlie stuff. What else...

Oh yeah... I'm going to start a Youtube channel. VSU Diaries. I want it to be good though. I don't want it to be something crazy and raunchy and trashy.

I want it to be real. It'll definitely have something to do with me but at the same time it'll be about State.

My life here at school in a way. Finally, my own reality show lmao.

Special, I know.

But the biggest thing for me, I'm planning on inquiring about maybe doing an advice column. You know, something like an Ask Amy type of deal.

Who knows?

But I'm excited. I'm going to do a lot more too. Try and join BBS and everything. Can't wait!!!!!

Things are looking up... they always do I just don't see it right off the back.

Buenos noches!

If I quit playing ball will that part of me die along with it. I just have this notion that if I stop balling I'll lose it.

Well lemme clear this up, I'll still ball every now and then. There is no way I can just give it up cold turkey.

I just feel as if now is the time for me to do whatever I'm feeling and I'm not feeling ball right now.

My friend said it's me maturing. He could be on to something, I even dress like a girl now, everyday seems like.

My brother said it's me finding the rest of me. That I've only channeled the athletic side of me and that the feminine side is pushing through.

Who knows? The hardest thing about this though, is telling coach I'm not going to play. Ah boy.

Seems like I been running in circles, trying to find my way and the path I'm taking is so different from the one I had envisioned myself taking.

On a side note, I really got to stop this crying so yeah... over that punk ish.

Brighter day- Kirk Franklin

Trading In My Sneaks for Pumps????

In my closet sit a fresh pair of Nike game shoes. Next to them sits a pair of black stiletto pumps.

What to choose what to choose?

This decision makes me question if I even know who I am anymore. A few years ago I would have never even contemplated this decision. And now I'm thinking about it more and and more.

It's crazy how you change when you're surroundings do.

I questioned whether or not I was trying to fit in but I'm not. There is just so much else I want to do.

I skipped practice today. I was in the library studying. One thing about college more important to me than ball is my grades.

I realize every blog I get a little sidetracked. Sorry... yeah then again not sorry my mind is random deal with it.

I just lost it right here in the library. Girl asked me if I was okay and if she needed to call someone for me.

It is time for me to go. But I will def finish this up later in another blog. Can't focus anymore. Night

Chillin'

It's labor day weekend and where am I? In the library of course.

Oh a little sidenote, I can check out up to 20 books at a time from the library. Do you know how much reading I'm going to get done this semester outside of my classes! YES!

Okay anyway back to this... I'm in the library planning for things. The fashion show and the basketball tournament to be exact.

I have other things that I'm going to work on this weekend too. Like homework, do some leisure reading, decorate my dorm room.

I'm pretty much chillin' on campus. Car transmission is slipping so she's parked until further notice.

I'm still horny and if I had a man he'd be kickin' it with me this weekend since my pothead of a roommate went home.

Glad she's gone, I enjoy having the room to myself.

I'm going to go ahead and do some homework for next week too. Gotta stay on my toes with this school thing. So for the next three days I'll more than likely be in The Quad (dum dum dummmm).

Or here in the library. Which is where I live. Our Library Lab is 24 hours. I can be in the basement on the computer doing homework or in the stacks reading. Gotta love it!

Well lemme get back to all this planning.

So In Need

Okay hormonally I'm back I guess you can say. I am in such need of some good thang thang right now it's ridiculous. I mean really, my sexual organs are craving for some attention.

I have no idea why, nothing has changed. Well except school has started and I'm surrounded by some pretty fly brothers. And that's all well and good. Looking never hurt anyone but, none of them are what I like.

Cute yeah, but... mentally these little boys are so not what I crave.

I'm trying to continue on in my quest to be abstinent. That's right, I still haven't had any. You know, that could be the reason for this sudden burst of horny-ness (<-- definitely not a word) this urge of wanting it so badly.

I have to admit though that I kind of miss that feeling of a strong hand gripping my back, ooh and sweet kisses.

But I can't give in to temptation, especially not here on this campus where more students have sex more than they go to class.

But it's college who cares right? I do. There are entirely to many cases of God knows what going around and there are entirely too many guys with big mouths out here.

I could catch something and the word would get out that Mrs. Peggy's daughter is a freak as my friend so eloquently put it.

So there it is, my motivation to stay this way. In this conflicting situation. Oh but my time will come once again and I will be mad at myself for giving in yet satisfied.

But until that time comes I'm just going to fight these urges and handle these withdrawals like a true soldier.

Now would be a good time for me to drown myself in responsibility.