All I Needed Was A Little Push

After that last blog about me not feeling as passionate about basketball I hadn't stepped foot into the gym. It got so bad that I wouldn't even walk through it. I walked around it.

The small workout room in The Quad even became my worst enemy. I was so upset at the fact that things had went the way they went. First I lost my drive and then I lost the respect of my so-called teammate.

Someone who is supposed to have my back. She turned on me, didn't inform me that we would be starting our individual practices and preseason workouts. She pretty much said that I have no spot on the team.

That I wasted my time busting my ass all summer long. That I wasn't ready, that I belonged in the stands not on the court, or the bench for that matter.

That was my push.

I went to the gym today and busted ass all by myself. I ran for a bit then shot around for a little over an hour. Then I went in the weight room and lifted. It felt good to be back in my corner.

The place where I am most comfortable. Where my mind is at peace even though my body is in constant motion. The place where I can cry, laugh, dance, smile, be angry yet calm, the place where I lay my burdens down. Even if just for a few moments.

It is my sanctuary. Where I can turn off all the lights, open the balcony windows and have enough of God's light to do what I gotta do.

This is where I belong, I regret leaving it for even that small amount of time but I'm back, with open arms it accepts me and welcomes me back.

All I needed was that push, so thanks girl for leaving me out. And like I said yesterday.

Why didn't you tell me? no answer... oh you scared now, you should be because now more than ever I want your spot. And I'm coming.

Making Moves

Every school I have ever attended I have been a part of something, or done something worth a little recognition.

In elementary school I was a part of the infamous Safety Patrol Squad and wrote for the school newspaper. I still have those papers by the way. And I won a few spelling bees.

In middle school I joined book club and continued with girl scouts and such. Played sports still and did the dancing thing. But it was in middle school I learned one of my greatest talents, in my opinion. I learned to play the cello and read music.

Ahhh the mellow sounds of a beautifully crafted instrument.

Then in high school I continued with my music, slowly drifted away from dancing for a bit but got back into it. Played varsity sports, joined the Spanish club, the book club, Established Divine Sisters in Worship and hosted a radio show.

So at Richard Bland I joined and became the President of Student Ambassadors, joined student assembly, became a member of the Appeals committee, worked, and of course made good grades.

With all of that being said and quite a bit not being said, it would only make sense for me to continue on and be a part of things just as great right?

Which is why I am running for the Chief of Staff position at VSU. Why not, I want to be able to leave a legacy behind that doesn't only consist of...

"Courtney Davis, student-athlete and Peggy Davis' daughter."

I'm also, applying to be the Yearbook writer and sports editor. Fixing my educational goals and Double-Majoring again... in English (minor in secondary education)and Hospitality (with a concentration in event planning).

Radio Show is going well. The board looks great. I'm focusing on sports for now because according to our GM the seniors and grad students are the only ones to have their own 3hr segments. And they suck!!!! I could do so much better.

In my trial I did.

But all in all, I'm about to make some major moves on this campus. Moves that will rock all of Petersburg and maybe even Richmond.

Oh and, could I possibly run for Miss Senior or Miss VSU... who knows. But I'm contemplating it... heavily.

Giving It Up?

I'm losing my love for it. For some reason I'm just not as passionate. I don't know why... practicing and playing is just, not fun anymore.

I wake up dreading early morning workouts, which I never use to mind. I go to afternoon workouts tired before I even lace up my sneakers.

Maybe I burned myself out over the summer, put my body through to much. I still go play even when I don't have to but it's not fun. It's all serious all the time. I pushed and pushed myself...

And for what? To find myself not having the drive I use to. Maybe it's just nerves.

So many maybes, to many maybes and no definite answers. Sad isn't it. When you have no reason for an action.

Could this really be it? Could I really be considering giving it up? Never thought I'd have this thought...

But never say never right?

Hands Off

21 years old - 29 years old

Work relationship only. Casual conversation about nothing. Hey how ya doings? and such. Then one day... a serious question. One that came from an observation that was made.

An observation that was made because of my fingernails.

Who notices stuff like that about me. I wonder if anyone else would have picked up on that. How my fingernails reflect how I'm feeling.

Ever since those days of us promising that this friendship would never be more than that, that we would never cross that line... we crossed it. Years ago, when something was morally wrong with it.

And never once was I ashamed. A little upset about the fact that I had lowered my own level of integrity. But, enjoying the comfort of him.

Not only physically but emotionally as well. Actually, come to think of it... as the years went on we became closer and closer.

I truly cherish what we have, it is something I have never experienced, something that I am grateful for.

To this day, he still checks my nails. Even though we see each other everyday almost, he still checks them.

All of this, what we do, the conversations we have. The hours we spend sitting right next to each other just talking.

I cherish it.

There is nothing like a man that respects your decision to not want to be physically intimate. One that never brings it up out of respect for your decision.

Wow... never ever heard of that.

But yeah, this is too be cherished. To bad it's something that can't go any further than it has. But oh it has been considered.

In fact, it'll probably be considered again tonight.

Goodnight.

154 A

I am now a resident of "The Quad," sounds kind of diesel doesn't it. Like the gangsta of all dormitories.

Please believe though, it is everything but. The only thing that I am not pleased with as far as my living situations are concerned is that well, I SHOULD BE IN MY LOFT!!!!!

But, that's what I get for depending on others. Waiting and waiting and waiting for them to handle their half of things and it never gets done.

Definitely looking to move into a single now instead. Can't depend on other people, it's not possible when you're me.

But anyways back to "The Quad"(dum dum dum)hahahaha.

The gangsta of all dormitories is loaded down with juniors, seniors, a few sophomores, my roommate being one of them), transfers, and exchange students.

Brand new building, community rooms that are absolutely chill, a game room in which I will be hustling, we got pool tables, and a workout room that I will be in when not in the library.

Which is literally next door. I am so amped about that!!!! I know I'm a nerd.

The roommate is cool, she's only a sophomore, but cool nonetheless. I will def do a blog on her b/c she is, how do I put this, always higher than the sky and drunker than a skunk.

Smh.

Well, I gotta go later!

Just A Little Under The Influence

I safely celebrated my birthday by not drinking and driving, and I even kept the emotional b.s. to a very low minimum. In fact, I only made one drunk phone call, to my friend.

He shoulda been my bestie but lately, he's had no time for me. I kinda figured he wouldn't. It's something that has been evident since my screw-ups.

And thats cool to a certain extent, but damn... but anyway, I can't seem to really get a answer for the questions I have now and in all honesty. It's starting to agitate me just a bit.

Oh well, can't try forever right? So I guess thats my cue to just try and be regular friends. Best friendship can't be forced and thats what was trying to happen.

I realized that after I whatevered him on the phone. And thats fine.

After that phone call I was a little relieved, in fact released from my own mind. From my own thoughts about our friendship and my relationships with other people, it all became so clear to me.

The cliche was right, a drunk womam never tells no tales because after that I realized one thing. It's all good in the hood baby. It's back to the way its always been.

Me, loving me... and thats the way it goes. And yes, I am enjoying a nice glass of Moscato right now.

Ain't Nothing Like A Close Family

I had an absolutely amazing time at home. My Grandma Janie got moved into a nursing home into Bastrop, which means she's closer to the family. My ane Helen is still in the hospital but, she is holding on.

My family finally let me breathe and stopped pampering me. I partied quite a bit, in fact, I drank so much I could still be a little intoxicated now lol. I enjoyed every minute with those sap tappers.

I didn't have to do any fighting this year, the fellas handled that since they were all out at once. Usually them boys locked up, sad but true. I was glad though because I really wasn't trying to fight anyone.

I'm growing up lol. Speaking of, I did quite a bit of shopping. Way to much shopping. But that's another blog.

I ran into an old friend too. It was really good to see him. And it was nice to have him around in a place where our relationship was a thing of beauty, not... "Why she don't want a brother, all over that white boy like that?" or "Is he really dating her, but she's not blonde, she's black."

I miss that, not our relationship, but the beauty of it. The part where we were so comfortable together that nothing else mattered.

The rodeo was fantastic, I didn't win anything big but I met some amazing riders. Enjoyed the carnival.

Celebrated my birthday with the fam, that was SO TOTALLY WICKED!!!! Man what can i say about these people, I love 'em to death. They are my life, and I'd give anything for them.

A lot more happened but, I don't feel like typing it all out lol...

Jewel "MissFancy" Davis

Since I've been home the fam has been taking great care of me. And although I love the papmering, I'm getting a bit tired of it. So, I went and picked up my cousins and did what we girls do best.

Spent that money! Oh my, we have been shopping for the past 2 dayws now and I have bought some cute stuff, and some stuff meant only for the eyes of, well me for now lol.

I'm enjoying the time here at home, glad that my family is starting to treat me normal again. I hate being treated like a patient.

Anthony called me, about 4x a day until I finally answered him yesterday. He's back in Virginia. Playing in a tournament in Arlington, wants me to come see him play.

I'm thinking about it, I have nothing else to do that weekend. At the same time, I know I shouldn't go. But, I do need to get some ish off my chest.

Oh but yeah, back to the shopping. My sisters in VA think I'm being extremely girly so they have changed my name. Hence the title. I think it's kinda cute. It's my girly alter ego.

Ahhh boy, I can't wait to hit up Round Rock Outlets tomorrow. Buying some stuff that I can wear during the day too.

Because since I been here I been buying stuff that I can only party in. smh I haven't partied this much in years. Slowly getting back to me. And funny thing is, I told my best friend i'd come back wanting it...

and well, I want it. BAD!!! oh boy smh at myself.

Well, I'm about to savage another drink and some rocky road ice cream (my fav), lata folks.