Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Little Prayer

Life is currently amazing but people keep trying to destroy my happiness. Asking you to please pray for me as I fight yet another battle.

10 smiles a day will keep the haters away... *smiles hard*

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Had Them All Fooled


That's what I've always wanted to say to the people who thought me strong and invincible. The people who deemed me, the leader, the go-to girl.

Everyone I went to junior college with all describe me in the same way. They see me as someone strong and independent.

Ha, got 'em. In those years, I was weak and depressed. Mentally and emotionally drained. But I kept smiling.

People always say, Courtney you were so this and you were so that, I just wanted a little bit of the happiness you had.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I was going crazy and was pushing away the people I loved the most. And even the people that wanted to love me.

I had 'em fooled didn't I. They really thought those smiles I wore everyday were real. But they weren't. I was hurting.

Even though I'm a truly happier person now, and that I am a strong person mentally. I'm slowly reaching that level of independence...

To know that people saw me as a strong woman makes me feel as if not only did I put on a good show, but maybe they were right.

But even that maybe may be a stretch.
Consider a breakfast plate, there is bacon & there are eggs...note that the pig was committed & the chicken was this season, the vision requires those who are committed in the crucial positions...chickens, please move to the back are needed, you just can't lead, we don't need leaders who are not present in critical times...

I Wonder

I wonder what it would be like if I left today and didn't return until the summer ended?

What would the people around me do without me?

They act like they can't function without me at times. Not all of them, but some of them.

They're so dependent on me. I wonder what they would do if they knew I was breaking underneath.

If they knew all that they had put on my was indeed getting entirely too heavy for me.

I haven't seen some people all week and they've been blowing up every social networking site that they know I am a part of.

It's funny to me how some of these people constantly claim to need no one and yet they are all on my "jock" as one of my friends says.

It's kind of funny actually, watching them need me when it seems as if I am a non-factor when I'm around.

Ha! What if I did this for a whole summer?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Lied

Okay, I lied... it is harder than I thought.

Today wasn't such a great day for me, but I know that I gotta keep pushing myself. I know I can do this.

I need to start reading tonight... well today rather. Still have no plans to hang out with anyone this week.

Got to much to do.

I can't wait til Friday... it'll be the end of this wretched week.

Summer is getting closer and I have to stay on track.

No fun this week. Got to stay focused.

Miss him... wow, never thought I'd say those words again.

Well, I'm about to get off work and since I'm all sweaty I need to take another shower.

Got to stay fresh! lol

Classes all day, passport duties, quick meeting in HR then home.

Don't know what I'm cooking tonight, but I'll think of something.

Monday, March 21, 2011

A Little More Discipline

This isn't going to be as hard as I thought, but then again, it's only the first day. I still have quite a bit to do.

But, like I said I'm ready this time. Just got to have a little more discipline than before.

Stop being embarrassed about it.

Got a lot to do this week.

Professor wants us to read an entire book and be able to take and pass a test on it by Friday. No fun this week.

Basketball has disappointed me, Texas lost last night, I'm officially over the NCAA tournament lol. Not really but I'm a little upset.

Oh well, back to it I go.

repeats to self *gotta be disciplined, got to be disciplined*

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Six Weeks

Spring break is over, and honestly I'm kind of happy that it is. I'm ready to get this semester over with. Don't get me wrong, I still love school, but for some reason I'm really, really looking forward to this summer vacation.

School will be over in six weeks though and the thought of it coming to such a fast end has me wanting to be extremely focused.

I'm about to take a big step in my life as far as ME is concerned. It's something I've toyed with for a while but I'm finally committing myself back to this. I'm excited, I feel like this time I'm going to stick with it too.

So, tomorrow begins my official 100 days of change. I''m so excited about this. It's a chance for me to better myself mentally and physically. And to really revamp myself altogether.

As with all things, when starting something new the hardest thing is the first day and in this case, the first week.

With that being said the smartest thing for me to do this week is not let myself get distracted.

With that being said, I'ma cool it with the tweeting and the faebooking. I'ma really have to cool it on the music for that's all I do at work, and I'ma have to avoid kicking it with my friends after classes, at least for this week only.

I have to make sure I can incorporate these changes in my life so that it all works together in a sense.

But i'm excited and willing to be disciplined enough to make sure I stay the course. Once I know I can do it, and am in a set rhythm I'll be back at it, living life with a few added activities and such.

So, after tonight, the blogging MIGHT become scarce again but that's something I'm really trying to avoid.

Guess we'll see how things go.

The process of revamping begins tomorrow morning @ 4:45 a.m. so I will definitely be giving myself the dreaded bedtime lol.

Welp, back to basketball and books. I got a big day and an even bigger week ahead of me. Wish me luck!

*crosses fingers*

Monday, March 14, 2011

How Intense is Your Kiss

My kiss is, intense like rounding 3rd base.

There is an indescribable passion behind that I really can't explain. I just know, when I want it, I want it.

My level of intensity goes from chill to real in a matter of seconds.

Maybe it's just me but, when it comes to kissing there is something that must drive me. I can't kiss without a purpose. There must be a purpose.

If there is no purpose, there is no kiss.

And I only give what is given to me. If I'm being kissed at a level of 1 then guess what, you're only going to get a one.

Ugh! This question kills me, but that's my answer. Not a complete though but a thought none-the-less.

When all of my thoughts come together there will be another blog.

Til then, MUAH!!!!!

I Love to Kiss

Lip to lip
Chest to chest
I love to kiss.

Fingers laced
Tight embrace
I love to kiss.

There's something about a man's lips
That makes me feel... oh
I love to kiss.

The passion I feel from him,
Raises the level of intensity in me.
Because I love to kiss.

My kisses aren't meant to be taken lightly.
For with every kiss there is, passion.
I love to kiss.

The intensity level is...
Because I love to kiss.

Lip to lip
Chest to chest
I love to kiss.

Fingers laced
Tight embrace
I love to kiss.

Friday, March 11, 2011

No Sex til Marriage???

I've made a promise to myself, one that right now is a little unstable in it's explanation and process.

I've decided to give up on sex. Not that I don't want to have sex but, I want more than that. I'm over the whole "baby let's get busy, no strings attached sex."

And I'm completely over the "you're my girlfriend, I"m your boyfriend let's have sex and not have a relationship type sex."

I'm tired of that. I want a real relationship. One that includes affection and intimacy not just sex, for as far as I'm concerned intimacy is no longer sex.

Sex is sex all by itself.

So, until I feel some TRUE affection (had to clarify that true part) I'm not having sex. And since from what I've heard, learned and seen, I won't be having sex until I get married.

I know I come from a generation of sex first talk later but, I don't want that. And I may be old in spirit in what I want but hey, it's what I want. And as selfish as this may be... I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I'M NOT GONNA BE SATISFIED TIL I GET IT!!!!!!

Til then, no sex til marriage? or maybe til I find what I want. hmmmm only time will tell, even then, after not having sex for so long will I want. hmmmm

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

All About Brittnee

Sooooo, this is Brittnee. She's my twin. No one had really met her before this past weekend but I figured it was high time she showed herself.

And oh boy did she show her behind! That girl is wild. Drinking and acting silly. She was even a little rude at one point but I can't fault her for that.

CIAA weekend was something like a lot of fun. Didn't see a lot of games which I regret because in all honesty thats why I go forreal. I love basketball. But I did have quite a bit of fun.

Everything was chill til my cousin and I got into it. And well needless to say we really let people see just what we go thru with this family.

After an emotional breakdown people showed me just how much they had my back. My aunt told me anytime I need to come home I call her and she will send for me.

Knowing that makes me wanna cry right now because I thought after leaving the way I did they wouldn't let me come home. I'm glad I can because I'm going home for a visit soon just to get away from VA. I need it.

Being able to go home will help me to continually keep my sanity. Anyways, after that... Brittnee went and showed out.

Shout-out to whomever money she spent on those drinks at bar 10. Thats a bad chick make a man spend his money and not give him any play once she goes to bed.

A mess... but she was all over the place. Enjoying the nightlife and still maintaining her trait of being a respectable woman.

Brittnee is a trip but Courtney is back in VA now and reality has set in.

Back to smiling baby... oh yeah.

Gone Crazy!!!

The face says it all but guess what...???


Monday, March 7, 2011

I Keep Telling Myself

I've been telling myself over and over again that I'm going to start blogging again. And writing poetry, and getting back into spoken word and yet I haven't.

Problem is I've wanted to but I haven't needed to. I thought I did but I can't force myself to write it's unnatural.

There's nothing no reason to write if you have nothing to write about. Sure I could write about my day but sometimes I'm so fed up with the stuff that has happened during the day writing about it makes me frustrated all over again.

But as of late light has been getting really real. So, I have much to talk about and lots to share.

So bloggers I'm getting ready to pour my heart out once again. But this time, there is much more stability in my life. Much more. But there has been a minor situation. But it was good for my soul, like my grandma's pineapple cake.

Catch ya in the a.m. bloggers...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Twitter Life

So, everyone has pretty much fell prey to the world of Twitter and anyone who has a twitter has to admit it, they kinda love it. Twitter is a chance to be open with the entire world.

Unlike Facebook, where many watch what they say due to family members being on their page, Twitter is no holds bar.

It's reckless and I love it!!!!

I urge anyone having a bad day to twatch whats going on on Twitter, I guarantee someone you follow, or someone that follows you will brighten your day a little. How??? Because people say some funny stuff on twitter.

FOr instance, the entire twitter nation seemed to be watching WWE Monday night and then the entire twitter nation tweeted his funniest comment ever...

"Go eat ya fruity pebbles you yabbadabbabitch!!!" HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

See, now isn't that funny... imagine being upset and seeing that on Twitter... instant laughter.

Omg! I have to admit, I'm a little addicted to Twitter... sometimes I just feel like sharing things with the world... okay quite often... yeah I feel like sharing most things with the Twitter world.

But it is what it is... #Teamfollowback --------> @UcAnKiSsMyBiBle