Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Had Them All Fooled


That's what I've always wanted to say to the people who thought me strong and invincible. The people who deemed me, the leader, the go-to girl.

Everyone I went to junior college with all describe me in the same way. They see me as someone strong and independent.

Ha, got 'em. In those years, I was weak and depressed. Mentally and emotionally drained. But I kept smiling.

People always say, Courtney you were so this and you were so that, I just wanted a little bit of the happiness you had.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I was going crazy and was pushing away the people I loved the most. And even the people that wanted to love me.

I had 'em fooled didn't I. They really thought those smiles I wore everyday were real. But they weren't. I was hurting.

Even though I'm a truly happier person now, and that I am a strong person mentally. I'm slowly reaching that level of independence...

To know that people saw me as a strong woman makes me feel as if not only did I put on a good show, but maybe they were right.

But even that maybe may be a stretch.

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