Saturday, September 25, 2010

Puzzled Face

I have no clue where to start... how about from right before the beginning. This guy that I had an argument with once about Virginia not being the South but being the Mid-Atlantic approached me letting me know that he asked his professor about our argument and I was right.

My first educational argument with a grad student and I won. Personal kudos to me! Anyway, he asked me if I was romantically involved with anyone, and yes he used those words. Anyway it was a little weird because he is so not my type.

He's soft, not a very strong tone... not my type. Sorry darling but I'll argue with him anytime about history.

Anyways, this funny encounter led to one that well, left me puzzled. it started off chill but, you know me, always messing things up.

I had been waiting on this... forever. Something I been craving for. It made me smile. My mind was racing, like zoom ------->.

"He's stronger than I thought, I like it... floor is cold, glasses are in the way, just don't stop. Okay stop thinking, otherwise you'll stop for real. Uh-oh to late... here it goes, shutting down, wait no not yet.

Wow he is really a lot stronger than I thought. Focus Courtney focus, uh-oh Houston we have a problem."

And just like that I was... done I guess you can say. I don't know what it is but my drive to have sex isn't where it use to be. Why is this? I don't even know. I wanted to, so bad, I was going to make myself. But I couldn't.

Yesterday I made a promise to make sure things would be different. That is a promise I will most definitely keep.

I have to, otherwise I might not get another chance. Slowly losing. How can you be in love with someone but not willing to make love to someone?

It's possible because that's how I feel.

How I feel and what I want to feel are two different things. I'm pushing myself to be able to follow up my feelings with actual feelings, it's going to take some serious, contemplation but I can do it. I have to.

This is so difficult! Going on a road trip, think I'll use this time to think on some things. Especially him.

On the other hand, he said something to me yesterday that I haven't been able to get out of my head.

#np- If I have my way- C.Michelle

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