My Grandma Janie

FINALLY!!!! I am home. I have been waiting on this all summer. I just love being here. My trip has started off a little rocky though.

As soon as my Ane Sandra picked us up from the airport we went straight to Austin Medical, my grandma Janie is in the hospital. I had no idea.

I figured that her sugar was just way to low again and her blood pressure was way up. It always that way.

She has raised this entire family. From my mom to the great great grands. She is the one that fixes things, handles it all. She is who we go to, even my grandma delois goes to her at times.

She has one son, but he's as crooked as they come. Fake old reverend, him and his wife May Kat.

I walked into her room excited to see her, but my spirits were immediately crushed when I saw her.

My grandma has lost entirely to much weight. A lot her hair has fallen out. Her entire left side is swollen, she can't even lift her arm. Her skin in peeling all over arms and legs, her face, back... everywhere.

My grandmas eyes are normally wide open and happy, but now they're just red. I asked her if she was in pain and all she said was, baby at my age and in my condition you can only hope to feel no pain.

Seeing her that way made my eyes water so bad I had to let my tears roll. I couldn't help it, I was just sad.

She told me I had nothing to cry about, that she was fine. That I needn't be concerned. But I have to be, I'm not ready for her to leave me. But I know that time is coming.

She said she saw my grandpa the other day, and he's been long gone. It always seems, when the folks in our family get ready to go on to glory they talk to those already there.

I need her to stay. To guide me.

She told me to stop worrying about everyone else, that she doesn't want me to be like her. See, I am Janie. I care for my family before I care for me. I put my health, heart, and me in my entirety on the backburner. Like she does.

She said that I need to prepare myself for the worst because it's coming. I know what she means, I've known for a few weeks now. I just haven't wanted to admit it to myself. Or to my friends.

Janie doesn't want me to be like her, so busy caring for the family and my friends that I push the people trying to care for me away.

I'm scared of losing her, of becoming like her, regretting not taking care of myself. I'm going to enjoy this trip.

Visit her every day, and enjoy the rest of my family.