Friday, July 9, 2010

Beach Blog

The sweet stench of the water is intoxicating. The cool sand feels good on my toes. The sound of the waves coming in is my music of choice tonight, no ipod needed.

All these changes I made, made me soft. Weak and vulnerable. Easy to use and hard to love. I stopped being me for a bit. I wanted so bad to be happy I left reality behind. No one is happy all the time. That's bullshit.

I have tried so hard to right my wrongs, I got soft. Spent so much time trying to make people happy and like me that I lost sight of me. I unknowingly let people walk all over me. But that's over.

There are fireworks, nice.

I kind of miss the old me, the me that didn't really care whether or not people would be there at the end of the day. Because that me knew and understood, *inner voice > at the end of the day all you got is you boo.

I know, I know, why would I miss that me... maybe it's because I found comfort within myself. I could be disappointed with me for something but would forgive myself and move on all in the same sitting.

That's what I need in my life. Someone who truly understands me, and what they don't understand, they try to. I'm officially tired of caring about the possibility of people not wanting to be there.

I can't hold on to anyone or anything that won't hold on to me too. I guess that's why I made the decisions I made today, and followed through with no hesitation. Got to keep it moving.

For some odd reason this song keeps replaying in my head... {hello-beyonce} weird isn't it.

I know that there is someone that wants to care, so I gotta do my best to show them I care too. I haven't been doing my best and it shows. But, I made a promise and it's one I intend to keep.

Because I need that in my life, for someone to really care. I read that once any human being can care for another, but to care for someone so deeply and to know that they care just as deeply, then and only then, is it unconditional...

As much as I am enjoying this vacation, I can't wait to get back. I miss my best friend.

The fireworks are over, guess that means it's getting late.


Don said...

Oh okay so now the other post makes a little more sense once combined with this post. So you fell in love I see - nothing wrong with that. I can tell you from experience that not all love will be reciprocal but that when you find reciprocity that it will make you feel happy that you placed yourself in a position to experience it. Which couldn't have been possible if you had held onto this particular love.

So, good decision on your behalf, I believe.

missextraordinary said...

Yeah I did, I guess, my sister tells me that all the time. Just now really admitting it to myself.

But you're right, not all love is reciprocated that I am sure of, got my hopes up just not high up lol.