Saturday, November 27, 2010

Taking it Back

A year ago Thanksgiving day, a man I felt was good for me showed me just how bad for me he was. I've been holding on to my feelings for that man all this time. Of course there were times when I felt I was over him but in truth I wasn't, and it was holding my inactive love life back.

Each time he would drop back in and I would let him, only for us to fight and separate once more. Doing nothing but destroying myself and my heart in the process. When I walked back into this house all I could think of was the last Thanksgiving I had spent here.

I sat in the room where Anthony and I had had our biggest fight and replayed the events in my head over and over. But, instead of crying, I smiled.

All I could think of was how much control I had given a man who had no control over his own life. One thing I thought I would regret but don't. That entire situation put things into perspective for me.

Love isn't something that can be forced, it has come natural.

So, I wrote him and told him thank you for all he had been when things were good and even when they were bad. And let him know I was taking my heart back because frankly, I wanted it back.

I figured that in order for me to love again I would have to be ready, and I couldn't be ready if my heart was still being mistreated.

I pushed people away because I had no love to truly give, false hope was all I could give but I wasn't willing to live like that.

So, I am in current possession of my heart, and I will be holding on to it until I feel as if someone really deserves it. My love is priceless and should be cherished as such. So, no more quick relationships and sex-based love, wait,no that's wrong... no more sex-based like.

I don't want another like him, or the rest of them. Only calling me when they need something physical, or with me because of the benefits that come with it. They can all back off and relocate with another broad because when the time is right, I want something real.

I don't know whether or not if I'm ready to love again but I do know this... Courtney's heart is where it belongs and... I'm officially over him, and the rest of them too.

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