Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Decision Overshadowed

I've made my decision. I feel like I made it to soon though. But, I did think it all the way through, hundreds of times. I had no choice really. I couldn't sleep thinking about how this decision would affect me. I know people are going to think I made the wrong decision but, it's okay. And I know I'll be mad at myself in the beginning but after a while, it won't matter any more how mad I was.

I'm hoping my desires to be great and to take it one step further will overpower my desire to hate it, the decision I made. I say this because, this one decision could very well be the one that changes my life. I'm ready, excited and anxious. Yet, I'm not ready, dreading it, and nervous. No matter what, I'm going to be ready. I have to be. I cannot, and I will not let myself down.

I actually feel like I made the decision right off the back, I just hadn't admitted it to myself. This isn't my dream. It's not what I've wanted since I was a little kid. Does that make it right for me. Maybe, this is a part of growing up, realizing that your childhood dreams may some times be just that. Childhood dreams. I'm not okay with laying them down by the riverside, I'm hoping that this new plan will help me to reach those dreams still.

No regrets, just lessons learned. I don't ask myself shoulda, woulda, coulda questions, because I know the decision I made was the one I wanted to make, even if I didn't really want to.

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