Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Trying to Make Some Lemonade

This year is definitely ending on a terrible note. Ever since the Thanksgiving holiday things have been going down hill. I'll admit there have been some really great moments but yet and still, things haven't been as good as they could've been. I know nothing is ever perfect and to be honest perfection seems to me like it would make life boring. But still, there are some things I wish would have worked in my favor. Like school, and ball, and dance, and love.

After the whole situation with Raddy I kinda felt like all the changes I made to better myself and get to where I really wanted to be in life were worthless. It seemed like all those study groups, cram sessions, and all-nighters were completely pointless. But I know they weren't. I just feel like as far as my education is concerned I'm taking an unnecessary detour.

I'm trying to make lemonade out of these lemons and I keep telling myself that this will give me extra time to better my ball skills. My game has really been affected by everything else I've been doing this past year. School is an exception but my jobs pulled me away from much needed conditioning and individuals with Coach T. Who's disappointed that I let the vision of my future get blurry. Hmmm I'm trying, I just gotta re-focus myself.

With that, I made a very tough decision, I'm hanging up my dancing shoes after tonight. I love to dance, but I love ball more and right now I need to be focused on ball. That's not to say I'm giving up dancing for life, in fact I will most likely dance on my own time but performing will have to wait, damn Im going to miss it though. I gotta give my all tonight on stage, I'm not holding back for anything... go hard or go home.

And love... ugh let's not even go there. For the first time I screwed it up, and I have no idea how to fix it. I just, ugh I get so nervous and so anxious all at the same time. And then I screw it up. UGH!!!! I am going to try and fix it though, something about this guy keeps me guessing... and I like it. Just hope it's not to late...

As of right now my lemonade isn't all that good, but wih all the lemons I got, Ima just keep trying.

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