Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I'm getting ready to begin preparing myself for my last dance. Which means the headphones will go in and everything going on in my head will be put on pause so I can focus. But before the headphones go in I have to get some of these thoughts out on to paper, well the computer. So, here goes... I had the most interesting conversation Monday night, and it ended so abruptly it's the onlt thing I have been really thinking about. I kinda wish I wouldn't have let him down. I tend to be the one people can depend on. I do my best to make sure that I'm there when I'm supposed to be even when I don't want to be. But I let down someone really important and have no one to blame myself. I usually don't let my problems and sidelining situations keep me from being where I'm supposed to be and yet, I have and I have a lot of making up to do.

But yeah back to Monday night, I found out something that I should've known, and I guess I did know but I didn't really know how to respond to it. I messed up bi time and I wanted to make amends yesterday but I got no response to my reach out, so after a day long rehearsal I went home iced while I Wii'd and then went to bed. I kinda wish he was coming to the show tonight, I'd love for him to see me outside of my element, on a stage not on the court. I'm pushing my stressed feelings about school, ball, and life in general all aside.

Hmmm oh well, I gotta get ready to go, show's at 7, gotta be there at 5 and we have a Company meal at 2:30.

Leggings, cami, sweat pants, hoodie, flip-flops, a pair of multi-colored socks, my dance bag with all 12 fits (man there's gonna be a lot of changing tonight), suoku book and pen in bag (gotta do something before warm-ups)keys in hand, ipod and headphones in place and ipod adpater in car ready for use... i'm almost ready... fingers crossed and butterflies all in my insides, showgirl face on... now I'm ready.

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